Sunday, January 23, 2005

It really makes me wonder why I even try at all with the opposite gender. Broken promises is something that I have lived with all my life and for some damn reason I'm still dealing with them. I mean how hard is it to keep a promise. Oh your fuel line is leaking, I will come and fix it this is what you need. Where is he not here and my car is still broken. Plus my exhaust came loose also. I'm buying a horse. I'm giving up on the opposite gender. I'm just really tired of all the games that people play. I admit that I on occasion have also played the games. But who hasnt, at least I try and be upfront about it.I guess I just dont get it. I will probably get fired for not being able to go to work tomorrow because of my car. I guess that is just the chance I'm going to have to take. Oh well I guess I'm done venting for right now.

cast from heaven at <9:58 PM>

Okay I guess its time to update. The 4th of July was wonderful...what a great party. Birthday was the 7th had a great time at the guac. So much fun. Job interview on Monday...woo hoo...hopefully something will come of it.

cast from heaven at <10:11 AM>

U	Useful
N	Nutty
I	Insane
Q	Quick
U	Unforgettable
E	Elitist

cast from heaven at <12:03 PM>

cast from heaven at <11:57 AM>

Okay enough!!!!!!!!! This has gone on long enough. Healing comes from within not from rehashing everything over and over and over again. Everybodies feeling were hurt, from everybody. That's life it happens. Live and let live, forgive and forget. Everybody has a side of the story. Everybody remembers things differently. Again that's life, it happens. If you are given a job and only do it half assed you will get written up or fired. Getting told not to waste money on taking another test that you scored high enough on all ready, is reality. Tough love is what is handed out here at home. Yes we all have feelings and yes they do get hurt at times. I personally would rather hear up front and not sugar coated if I am fucking up. Nothing will ever get resolved if the main two parties do not talk to one another.
This home is full of people that are hard to love. But if one is willing to do it, there are ways around it. But it was hard in your case. And I know that it was a slap in the face, so to speak, of the way things went down on both sides. I was there also for most of what you are talking about. I'm not saying that I am any better or pointing fingers or hiding behind karma. I also remember a call on Christmas that had you in tears and I remember the first person who was at your side. Also recently there was a drive in when everyone else was out of state. Little things that if everything was as bad as it is made out to be wouldnt have happened. But I also know that there were no little words or any acknowlegment of hey thanks for being there for me when my family couldnt wouldnt or didnt care. No Happy Mothers Day for someone that slipped in and did what needed to be done, when it needed to be done. Please remember that pity parties only last for so long, before they fall on deaf ears. I just had to have my say...

cast from heaven at <11:06 PM>

Life is good....well somewhat okay. No need going overboard. No job yet. Still looking, still getting told "your not hireable by our company". No man yet. Found out last night someone that is a pretty decent friend is interested in me. Which is cool. The one that I had been talking to told me today that I'm not relationship material for him, and he is going to start seeing someone. I told him that it was cool and that i still expected to be friends with him. But you have to wonder why I wouldnt be "relationship material". That requires too much thinking, so I will just continue living my life. And get over the worthless feeling that have become a daily companion right now.

More later....maybe.

cast from heaven at <9:43 AM>

Well yesterday was LittleBit's 6th grade graduation. I'm proud of myself, I didnt cry when she got her certificate. But I think it was the layout of the whole ordeal, instead of a stuffy ceremony it was set out to be fun. With several acts from the 6th graders who performed in the talent show. The band played some fun songs and they sang some fun songs. LittleBit was surprised because her dad showed up with me and Hope and Neko. It was a wonderful day. Then she came home with us later that day.

Well me and donelostit are on are way to the lake this afternoon with a group of friends. Should be a blast. Looking forward to just laying back and not doing anything but drinking and having fun.

I will post later.

cast from heaven at <9:00 AM>

Whoa, I guess it has been awhile. This thing has changed. But that is the one true thing in life is change and rebirth. Alot of interesting things have been going on. Neko's graduation and Littlebit's graduation. Congrats to both.

Had a blast working Muskogee. And I get to work KC too!!! Whoot. Looking forward to that. I have always enjoyed going to Faire, but now I enjoy working there also. The intersting people that you come in contact with. The new people that you are fated to meet and to affect their lives by your presence. On the way down for the last weekend, we were in a hell of a traffic jam, but we made several peoples day by just saying hi or waving. In some instances we held on very lenghty conversations. But the main thing is that we made people smile.

I have been very down the last week, but I think things are starting to turn around. I got blindsided on the guy front about a week or so ago. When littlebits dad just told me that he still sees us growing old together, and until the time that I am ready all I have to do is say so. Not sure what to make of that. I know that I still have feelings for him, but I dont know if its to that extent or not. Nothing else new on the guy front, and right now Im okay with that.

Well that all for right now...need to try and get some sleep.

cast from heaven at <9:42 PM>

___________A N G E L

_________F R I E N D S